Communication Gone Awry!

This is an example of what can happen when assertiveness flies out the window.  Does this conversation remind you of any interactions you've had recently in your own life? hmm...

 

Jan and Stan’s Worst Date Ever!

Read this dialogue and pay attention to the differences between what each character thinks and what he or she says.

 

 

Says:

Thinks:

Jan:

 

Glad you could make it.

 

(I can’t believe you’re late again!)

 

Stan:

 

It’s good to see you. Are you ready to go?

 

(You always take so long to get ready.)

 

Jan:

 

Almost—just let me go brush my hair.

 

(What a horrible hair day! I look so ugly!)

 

Stan:

 

Ok.

 

(Why would you need to brush your hair when we’ll just be sitting in a dark theatre? You look fine as it is!)

 

Jan:

 

All right—I’m all set!

 

(I still look awful—I knew this date wouldn’t work out!)

 

Stan:

 

What movie would you like to see?

 

(PLEASE don’t pick another cheezy romantic comedy—those are so boring.)

 

Jan:

 

I don’t care. What do you want to see?

 

(I’d really like to see that new romantic comedy—it looks hilarious!)

 

Stan:

 

Doesn’t matter to me.

 

(If I tell you what I really want, you’ll just act annoyed for the rest of the night. Why bother?)

 

Jan:

 

How about “Robot Killers from Jupiter”?

 

(Please say no—that movie looks so stupid, but I know you like those dumb action movies.)

 

Stan:

 

Sure! I’d love to see that one!

 

(Crap! I already saw that four times and I don’t want to go again. But I guess it’s better than seeing “Princess Diaries, Part 9.”)

 

Jan:

 

Great! Let’s go!

 

(Why did I make that suggestion? I’m such an idiot! Now I’ll be bored out of my mind!)

 

Stan:

 

Would you like me to drive?

 

(I always have to drive—why don’t YOU take a turn for once?)

 

Jan:

 

Ok. Thanks for offering.

 

(Why do YOU always get to drive? Can’t I ever have a turn?)

 

Stan:

 

My pleasure.

 

(Great—another typical night. I wish I stayed home!)

How could Stan and Jan have been more assertive? [Remember—being assertive doesn’t mean being disrespectful. You don’t necessarily have to say everything you think in order to communicate directly!]





(c)Maine Transgender Network, Inc., 2009

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